Welcome to Issue 95 of Clearly YOU. Every second Wednesday, I serve up ideas that help you share the clearest, realest, most unforgettable version of yourself with the world. Not a subscriber? Fix that here: https://kimscaravelli.com/newsletter/

🤯 Here’s the most interesting clarity and confidence insight I’ve come across in a long time.

About a week ago, I was chugging down the highway, half-listening to a random podcast, when the guest posed a deceptively simple question:

When you’re talking to yourself, does your inner voice use “I” or “you”?

Being a word nerd, I was immediately fascinated. And once I paid attention, it became obvious that my inner voice often defaults to you.

At first glance, this felt like a to-MA-to/to-ma-to situation. After all, "I" and "you" are both pronouns. What difference could it really make?

As it turns out... a lot.

“I” is a first-person singular personal pronoun. It refers to the speaker. It places you inside the experience as it’s happening.

“You” is a second-person personal pronoun. It addresses someone, even when that someone is yourself.

That grammatical difference creates a psychological one.

When your inner voice uses "you", there’s a subtle separation. One part of you is talking to another part of you. You’re coaching, managing, correcting, or scolding yourself.

Even when the message is supportive, it’s still being delivered to a vague "other".

That otherness disappears when you switch to "I".

When you stop talking to yourself and start speaking as yourself, things shift. You move out of analysis and into experience. Out of commentary and into feeling.

And once feelings are involved, your inner voice naturally softens. Less harshness. More empathy.

A little less negativity.
A little more kindness.

Over time, that tiny shift makes a very real difference.

I’ve been consciously working with this for about a week now, and the change is subtle, but noticeable.

Cool Quote

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
Marcus Aurelius, Roman emperor (161–180 CE) and philosopher

Simple Exercise: Translate To First Person

For the next week, be a bit more conscious to listening to your inner voice. When you notice it speaking up, pause and ask yourself:

Is this being said as “you” or as “I”?

If it’s a you statement, don’t just swap the word. Translate it into first person.

That means saying the same thing, but from inside the experience rather than from the outside.

For example:

Negative
“You really messed that up.”
→ I’m disappointed with how that went.
Neutral
“You’re thinking about this again.”
→ I’m noticing that I’m thinking about this again.
Positive
“You handled that well.”
→ I’m proud of how I handled that.

Notice what changes when the voice shifts from talking to you to speaking as you.

Don’t correct the emotion.
Don’t soften it on purpose.
Don’t coach yourself through it.

Just let the first-person version land.

That moment of contact - before fixing, reframing, or explaining - is where the shift happens.

And if you’re wondering what this has to do with developing a strong professional voice: the way you speak to yourself shapes the way you communicate about yourself to others. Full stop.

Stuff Worth Sharing

Before we go any further, here’s a quick reminder that we’re all walking around with a tiny narrator in our heads… and sometimes it’s wildly unhelpful.

For the Word Nerds

Deflation is what happens when you take something that feels big, scary, or bossy and shrink it back to its actual size. You don’t fight it. You don’t reason with it. You just rob it of its gravitas.

Decades ago, when my inner voice was knocking the piss out of me on a regular basis (welcome to the experience of many women), I deflated its power by giving it a slightly ridiculous name: Madam Blah Blah.

That silly name genuinely took the edge off. It really did.

Over the years, I’ve built up a whole collection of deflating labels for this intrusive monologue, including Mr. Snarkypants, The Doom Goblin, Squirrel-ly Squirrel, The Noodler, and most recently… Agnes.

FYI: "Agnes" is a surprisingly effective deflator because that name just doesn't match up with omnipotent force, like something out of Stranger Things. Nope. "Agnes" is a mildly annoying neighbour you occasionally have to make polite conversation with. I can handle her. 😂